Hello, and welcome back to your favorite niche hockey blog, Fake or Gay! It's been a while since our last post, but we're right on back with coverage of the only important thing to have happened in hockey since the beginning of time: The Stadium Series at Santa Clara, California. This isn't going to be big on Fake or Gay vibes, but hopefully you'll enjoy this write-up of the event.
Your pal Conrad took the Amtrak in from Davis, and touched down in Santa Clara at 6 pm after a couple of delays. It was about 67 degrees then and it only got colder: it must've been around 50 or so degrees by the time the game ended. I was shivering a little by the time the game ended and I was wearing two or three layers, which was weirdly cool. So no, I don't think the ice was an issue at all (indoor rinks are like, 50-60 degrees, right?).
The field surrounding the rink was weird as hell, and I loved it. I wonder how many East Coast people got mad about it. That's the only thing I care about. It took until the 2nd intermission for us to realize there was actually sand surrounding the whole mess. Apparently the gray lumps are the mountains? I'm not sure what the ridges in the grass are supposed to represent. Hills, maybe. To be honest it kind of felt like whoever planned it sort of gave up after the Northern California half and just plopped a whole bunch of bushes in the Southern California half. I would have done the same thing, honestly. But overall I thought it was very fitting for the hellhole that is California. My beautiful home and native land!
I've already talked about the stupidity of the Stadium Series jerseys. They're dumb and I hate them. I might be biased but the Sharks ones are way better, even if the bar is extremely low. The Kings jerseys were milkman-esque, but mostly it made them look like floating torsos which was creepy as hell. I was up in the nosebleeds and I could for sure tell who was who on the rink. This whole "deconstruction of masculinity" vibe that Reebok was trying to pull off just sounded like a boardroom of mid-30s white dudes got high and decided to do whatever. I really, really wish they could've done throwback jerseys, but that's probably asking for too much. Gold and teal on that rink would've been absolutely shit-stirring and perfect. Just a thought.
I had a great, great time. The atmosphere was awesome. There really isn't much crazier than watching a hockey game outside in Santa Clara in February. General consensus of the whole event was pretty positive, I gotta say! The place was packed but everything was under control--I assume because it's the goddamn 49ers that have the stadium for the rest of the time--and everyone was pretty damn polite. I have no idea who any of the performers were and I have no desire to find out who they were. Other than the fact that every single team store sold out of the limited edition Stadium Series Sharks beanies (a fact that was deeply upsetting), I had a really fun time, although the company I managed to get was awesome too.
I really hope they do something like this again. How many outdoor games can Chicago get at this point? Let's bring it on over. Let's give the Californian teams every outdoor game from now until the end of time. Let's make this peak California. Let's have a game in mid-July at 2 in the afternoon. Let's book an EDM concert at the exact same time. Let's flood the field with ravers. Let's bring in dancing anti-vaxxer mascots. Let's develop a brand new, three-team rink and playing system that pits San Jose, Anaheim, and Los Angeles against each other. Screw it, let's just have a huge chicken fight in the middle of a rink-sized swimming pool. That would be incredible and I'd sell every organ I have for that.
I can't believe they couldn't get Smashmouth.
Conrad was on the ground at Levi's thanks to some wonderful generosity from friends of the blog, Jacob and Emily. Thank you to the lovely couple for selling me the ticket. The experience was incredible, and I truly, deeply appreciate it.
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