FOGSquad 2015-16 Season Primer: I Miss Steve Yzerman Edition

In preparation for the upcoming 2015-16 season, FOGSquad is proud to announce that a deeply researched article concerning every team in the NHL will be posted every other day until the beginning of the season on October 7th. This is thus part one of a thirty part series. We hope you enjoy!

Last season’s review
The 2014-15 season brought a Detroit Red Wings team stuck in the middle of the pack of the Metropolitan division. For our readers, the Metropolitan Division is a part of the Eastern Conference: it’s not a fancy cocktail. I know, I got confused too! I think I mixed it up with a Cosmopolitan, which is a delicious way to drink alcohol without seeming like you’re doing it with the sole purpose of f***ing yourself up. Actually, there are a lot of different ways to drink Cosmopolitans, now that we’re on the subject? A good cosmopolitan has to be balanced between tart and sweet; most of the new, hip cocktails are either way too bitter or overly sugary, so that’s where a good cosmo comes to save the day!

It’s easy to just put cheap vodka in cocktails—however, I’ve learned that hard way that it's better to invest in a better vodka. I know! I think this is some sort of primal mentality that lives on through our high school days of just trying to get your hands on anything that will dull the pain of Taylor from Discrete Math not going to prom with you. I mean like, how is Jamie better than you? You’re just as cute. Just as smart. And even funnier? Like, haha! What the f*** is wrong with you? Now every time you smell limes—from her Pina Colada lotion, which wafted off the back of her neck whenever she did that full body giggle like she did—you remember that time. Which is funny, because a good Cosmo has fresh lime juice! It’s a lot of work getting freshly squeezed limes, but better vodka and better lime juice makes the cocktail experience go to the next level.

Now that we have the specifics down, here is a complete list of what you need. While orange peels aren’t traditional to the drink, if you do it just right, it’ll give an extra sense of sweetness and depth:

• 2 ounces (1/4 cup) vodka
• 1/2 ounce (1 tablespoon) triple sec
• 3/4 ounce (1 tablespoon + 1 1/2 teaspoons) cranberry juice
• 1/4 to 1/2 ounce (1 1/2 teaspoons to 3 teaspoons) fresh lime juice
• 1 2-inch orange peel/twist
• ice

This is all you need to make one; I mean, like, it’s not like you need to make more than one! Some things haven’t really changed since high school, haha!

First, you have to fill a cocktail shaker—worth the investment, I promise—with ice and then add your vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice (Ocean Spray, duh!) and lime juice. I personally like the extra little kick of lime juices, so I tend to use ½ an ounce; but, of course, that is mostly just preference (like Taylor’s preference for Jamie, what the heck)! Shake the cocktail shaker for about 30 seconds—the amount of time it took for her to try and gently put you down, before walking away with her friends—and then strain into a martini glass.

I recommend then garnishing with the orange peel; if you want an extra bite of flavor, peel the orange over the glass—this makes sure the oils spray into it!

What were we talking about?

This season’s preview
I think the Detroit Red Wings are going to go put on their ice skates and play some NHL hockey. You can quote me on that. With Henrik Zetterberg, Swede, and Pavel Datsyuk, tortured soul who cannot move from this mortal realm until he's learned the true meaning of life, I have high hopes for what they can do.

The FOGSquad prediction
The Red Wings will have moderate success in the first part of the season, before having their plane disappear over the midwest and reappearing two months later in time for them to get into the playoffs for the 25th year in a row.

Players to watch

• Absolut
• Stoli
• Ketel One