The Official FOGSquad Awards

Welcome back to FOGSquad! With the end of the '15-'16 season, we thought it was appropriate to share the hypothetical trophies we have given players, all of which have been assigned through the analysis of countless hours of data gathered over the course of the year. Without further ado, the Official FOGSquad Awards!

The Conrad Trophy: presented to the player with the best ass, as determined by the factors of roundness, distance from body, and overall aesthetic quality.
The nominees are:

• Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins
• Max Domi, Arizona Coyotes
• Jack Eichel, Buffalo Sabres
• Aaron Ekblad, Florida Panthers
• Claude Giroux, Philadelphia Flyers

And the winner is: Aaron Ekblad! Congratulations to the man and the tush. If you ask me, though, the winner is all of us, right?

The Unofficial Aubrey Graham Trophy: presented to the player with the greatest passion for the music of Aubrey "Drake" Graham, Canadian recording artist.
The nominees are:

• Logan Couture, San Jose Sharks

And the winner is: Logan Couture! Congratulations to Logan Couture for his passion, which has changed the fabric of the NHL forever.

The Sad Boys Club Award: presented to the team most worthy of a twanging, melancholy banjo solo as the soundtrack for their season (including the post-season, if applicable).
The nominees are:

• the Anaheim Ducks
• the Chicago Blackhawks
• the Edmonton Oilers
• the Montreal Canadiens
• the Vancouver Canucks

And the winner is: the Vancouver Canucks! Congratulations (or apologies) for the banjo solo.

The "Hi Hungry, I'm Dad" Trophy: presented to the player with the surname most conducive to puns.

The nominees are:

• Emerson Etem, Vancouver Canucks
• Shane Gostisbehere, Philadelphia Flyers
• Roman Josi, Nashville Predators
• Zach Parise, Minnesota Wild
• Jordan Staal, Carolina Hurricanes

And the winner is: Shane Gostisbehere! Congratulations, and we hope he Boastisbeheres about this award.

The Jeff Skinner Trophy: presented to the player who overcame great potential and faded into obscurity.

Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, no nominees were selected for this award. We apologize for this error.

The Baby Face Trophy: presented to the player most likely to forget any form of identification and thus become unable to enter a Dave and Buster's.

The nominees are:

• Cam Atkinson, Columbus Blue Jackets
• Jake Gardiner, Toronto Maple Leafs
• Tomas Hertl, San Jose Sharks
• Curtis Lazar, Ottawa Senators
• Jared Spurgeon, Minnesota Wild

And the winner is: a tie between Tomas Hertl and Curtis Lazar! Congratulations to the teens.

The "Hello Darkness" Trophy: presented to the player most likely to throw a tantrum because of the ineptitude of their teammates.

The nominees are:

• Jack Eichel, Buffalo Sabres
• Braden Holtby, Washington Capitals
• Connor Mcdavid, Edmonton Oilers
• Jonathan Bernier, Toronto Maple Leafs
• PK Subban, Montreal Canadiens

And the winner is: PK Subban! Congratulations to the defenseman. With any luck this won't be the only award he receives this season!

And that's all we've got! Congratulations to the winners. And we'll see you in the next article!