Gabriel Landeskog
To be honest, I don't think Gabriel Landeskog would be a good father. At all. Sure, he's pretty, but at what cost? Could you honestly say that Gabriel Landeskog would give up a life of clubbing or male modeling or whatever he does with his free time as the captain of the Colorado Avalanche to raise a hypothetical child in an environment befitting that child? I think that Gabriel Landeskog would be far better as a babysitter; you could absolutely trust Gabriel Landeskog to watch your child—whether hypothetical or not—for a night while you and your partner get a lovely dinner out together. He has responsibility, of course, but the kind of responsibility extended to children that only lasts for several hours.
Johnny Gaudreau
He's a little young to be having a hypothetical child, don't you think? I mean, yeah, the child doesn't actually exist, but that's a lot of hypothetical responsibility to put on a guy who looks like he barely escaped middle school without getting an atomic wedgie. He'd be a good big brother, but definitely not a parent.
Morgan Rielly
Morgan Rielly's a good Canadian boy, and in my opinion, he'd be a good hypothetical dad. He looks like he's had to shoulder a lot of responsibility in his life. He'd be a steady presence. The kind of guy who'd wake up at three in the morning and gently tell his half-awake partner to go back to sleep as he walks quietly down the hallway to where his hypothetical child is murmuring in the crib. Cooing at her, gently, picking her up and rocking her in his arms. Maybe watching the last ten minutes of a game on the west coast 'cause she likes the sounds until she drifts back to sleep. He's a little young, yes—that's what his mom had said too—but he'll figure it out eventually. Especially if that nice Minnesotan boy keeps dropping by. Last time he came over he brought a little onesie with the Leafs logo on it. Matches her eyes.
Tyler Seguin
God rest the soul who let Tyler Seguin have a baby. Tyler Seguin would name the baby Jeep. You might say that no one in their right mind would let Tyler Seguin name a baby Jeep, but this would definitely be the lesser of all Tyler Seguin baby-related evils. Can you pretend that Tyler Seguin wouldn’t name his hypothetical baby Stallion? Tyler Seguin fell asleep during a road trip once and now thinks Cruise Control has a nice ring to it.
Tyler Seguin would try so hard to make life perfect for his hypothetical child, but he would try so hard that he would mess up in the stupidest and simplest of ways. Tyler Seguin only has the well-being of his hypothetical baby Jeep in mind, but he just can’t do anything right. Tyler Seguin wakes up two hours early to make Jeep a really good breakfast, but ends up burning everything and has to beg a veteran with his own kids for breakfast leftovers. Tyler tries to plan the perfect playday for baby Jeep where they hit up three parks, Jamboree, and the Baby Gap, but he loses Jeep by 11 am because he left him in the swingset. Tyler Seguin would lose his hypothetical child while grocery shopping for a good fifteen minutes. Not even a big supermarket, like a Safeway or a Ralph's, but a small one like an AM/PM.
Sam Gagner
Don't you talk to my son like that. He isn't old enough to hear this garbage. My son, whom I personally raised since he was but a babe I could hold swaddled in my arms, should be having fun with other children his age, not learning about this filth! When the time comes he'll learn about the birds and the bees but it should be under the guidance of his mother, not of some smutty textbook handed out by the government. How dare you. You call yourself an adult? Get out of my sight.
Tyler Toffoli
In my extremely well-informed opinion, I think Tyler Toffoli would be a good dad, especially if he raised his hypothetical child with his long-term partner, Martin Jones. Yes, I know what you're saying. Tyler Toffoli and Martin Jones live quite a distance away from each other and that may not be the best environment to raise a child, especially one who—at an impressionable, early stage of development—really needs the helping hand of several parental figures in their life. It would be difficult for Tyler Toffoli and Martin Jones to juggle the lives of fathers and full-time professional athletes. However, I argue that the possibility of raising a child, however hypothetical, is truly an enlightening experience, especially for two well-situated young men like Tyler Toffoli and Martin Jones. You learn a lot about responsibility, about yourself, and about your partner.
I mean, Tyler Toffoli and Martin Jones would be great dads, wouldn't they? Tyler Toffoli is clearly fun dad, while Martin Jones is stern dad. Together, they balance each other perfectly and allow their hypothetical child to grow in a loving environment where they all learn it is okay to make mistakes, as long as you grow from them.
Also, Tyler Toffoli and Martin Jones aren't actual partners. But in this hypothetical situation in which there is a hypothetical child, I think I'm allowed to hypothetically gift these two grown men a hypothetical, wonderful relationship borne not out of ridicule but of a gentle passion that arises slowly from a friendship that blossoms into something more.
Adam Henrique
I don't actually even know who this guy is. I guess if Adam Henrique had a hypothetical kid they might inherit his cheekbones? But that doesn't say anything about how good of a parent he would be to a hypothetical child. Just because you look good doesn't bear any sort of meaning towards your ability as a caretaker.
I mean, now that I think about it, a lot of things are meaningless when it comes to children: they really don't make any sense. You could be the most responsible person in the world, yet fail to take adequate care of a child. It's difficult to understand exactly how much labor—emotional and physical—goes into raising a small human who depends on you for everything until you're in the thick of it. So maybe Adam Henrique would be a good dad to a hypothetical baby, but we can't know for certain until he has a real baby to take care of. Really makes you think.
Johnny Gaudreau
He's a little young to be having a hypothetical child, don't you think? I mean, yeah, the child doesn't actually exist, but that's a lot of hypothetical responsibility to put on a guy who looks like he barely escaped middle school without getting an atomic wedgie. He'd be a good big brother, but definitely not a parent.
Morgan Rielly
Morgan Rielly's a good Canadian boy, and in my opinion, he'd be a good hypothetical dad. He looks like he's had to shoulder a lot of responsibility in his life. He'd be a steady presence. The kind of guy who'd wake up at three in the morning and gently tell his half-awake partner to go back to sleep as he walks quietly down the hallway to where his hypothetical child is murmuring in the crib. Cooing at her, gently, picking her up and rocking her in his arms. Maybe watching the last ten minutes of a game on the west coast 'cause she likes the sounds until she drifts back to sleep. He's a little young, yes—that's what his mom had said too—but he'll figure it out eventually. Especially if that nice Minnesotan boy keeps dropping by. Last time he came over he brought a little onesie with the Leafs logo on it. Matches her eyes.
Tyler Seguin
God rest the soul who let Tyler Seguin have a baby. Tyler Seguin would name the baby Jeep. You might say that no one in their right mind would let Tyler Seguin name a baby Jeep, but this would definitely be the lesser of all Tyler Seguin baby-related evils. Can you pretend that Tyler Seguin wouldn’t name his hypothetical baby Stallion? Tyler Seguin fell asleep during a road trip once and now thinks Cruise Control has a nice ring to it.
Tyler Seguin would try so hard to make life perfect for his hypothetical child, but he would try so hard that he would mess up in the stupidest and simplest of ways. Tyler Seguin only has the well-being of his hypothetical baby Jeep in mind, but he just can’t do anything right. Tyler Seguin wakes up two hours early to make Jeep a really good breakfast, but ends up burning everything and has to beg a veteran with his own kids for breakfast leftovers. Tyler tries to plan the perfect playday for baby Jeep where they hit up three parks, Jamboree, and the Baby Gap, but he loses Jeep by 11 am because he left him in the swingset. Tyler Seguin would lose his hypothetical child while grocery shopping for a good fifteen minutes. Not even a big supermarket, like a Safeway or a Ralph's, but a small one like an AM/PM.
Sam Gagner
Don't you talk to my son like that. He isn't old enough to hear this garbage. My son, whom I personally raised since he was but a babe I could hold swaddled in my arms, should be having fun with other children his age, not learning about this filth! When the time comes he'll learn about the birds and the bees but it should be under the guidance of his mother, not of some smutty textbook handed out by the government. How dare you. You call yourself an adult? Get out of my sight.
Tyler Toffoli
In my extremely well-informed opinion, I think Tyler Toffoli would be a good dad, especially if he raised his hypothetical child with his long-term partner, Martin Jones. Yes, I know what you're saying. Tyler Toffoli and Martin Jones live quite a distance away from each other and that may not be the best environment to raise a child, especially one who—at an impressionable, early stage of development—really needs the helping hand of several parental figures in their life. It would be difficult for Tyler Toffoli and Martin Jones to juggle the lives of fathers and full-time professional athletes. However, I argue that the possibility of raising a child, however hypothetical, is truly an enlightening experience, especially for two well-situated young men like Tyler Toffoli and Martin Jones. You learn a lot about responsibility, about yourself, and about your partner.
I mean, Tyler Toffoli and Martin Jones would be great dads, wouldn't they? Tyler Toffoli is clearly fun dad, while Martin Jones is stern dad. Together, they balance each other perfectly and allow their hypothetical child to grow in a loving environment where they all learn it is okay to make mistakes, as long as you grow from them.
Also, Tyler Toffoli and Martin Jones aren't actual partners. But in this hypothetical situation in which there is a hypothetical child, I think I'm allowed to hypothetically gift these two grown men a hypothetical, wonderful relationship borne not out of ridicule but of a gentle passion that arises slowly from a friendship that blossoms into something more.
Adam Henrique
I don't actually even know who this guy is. I guess if Adam Henrique had a hypothetical kid they might inherit his cheekbones? But that doesn't say anything about how good of a parent he would be to a hypothetical child. Just because you look good doesn't bear any sort of meaning towards your ability as a caretaker.
I mean, now that I think about it, a lot of things are meaningless when it comes to children: they really don't make any sense. You could be the most responsible person in the world, yet fail to take adequate care of a child. It's difficult to understand exactly how much labor—emotional and physical—goes into raising a small human who depends on you for everything until you're in the thick of it. So maybe Adam Henrique would be a good dad to a hypothetical baby, but we can't know for certain until he has a real baby to take care of. Really makes you think.
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