FOGSquad’s Introduction to Advanced Statistics

Have you ever entered hockey fandom only to realize that you had no idea what anyone was talking about? “Advanced statistics”–or, more colloquially, “nerd talk”–is an important part of analyzing hockey games and talking about hockey games to other hockey fans. Some hockey fans will tell you that all you need to do is “watch the game” to understand who is a good player and who isn’t. However, statistics can show patterns beneath simple “eye tests”, because eyes aren’t really that reliable and you probably haven’t been to an optometrist in years.

Unfortunately, just like wedgies, advanced statistics strike at the most inopportune times. You can protect yourself from feeling utterly confused by reading this article, which we have developed to help you learn nerd talk within a few short minutes. The terms these “armchair experts” use can be very confusing, but allow us to simplify them all for you.

ADVANCED STATISTICS TERMS AND THEIR USAGE

CORSI: How coarse a player’s flow is; the coarser the hair is, the better the player is? I don’t get this statistic, actually. I’m 100% with the Maple Leafs in the condemning of this

ex: “Wow! Jagr’s Corsi twenty years ago was incredible!”

Above: proof.

FENWICK: Named after a character from Harry Potter, this statistic tells you just how much a player is into young adult magic fantasy novels

ex: “Brent Burns’ Fenwick is extraordinarily high. He even has a Harry Potter tattoo!”

TAKEAWAY: When you “take away” a moral lesson from a hockey game

ex: “Shea Weber had a takeaway when he realized winning games wasn’t everything.”

Above: Shea Weber having a great time!

GIVEAWAY: When you “give away” a moral lesson to another player

ex: “Anze Kopitar utilized a giveaway when he explained to Joe Thornton that stealing the puck wasn’t very nice.”

PLUS/MINUS: The One True Decisive Stat. Never talk about plus/minus as a lowly commoner. It is to be spoken of only by the angels above. Trust anyone who uses the words plus/minus. They’re allowed to

ex: “████ ██████ ███ ██ █ ███████ ██████! ███ ████/█████ ████ █ █████ ██ █████.”

SAVE PERCENTAGE: The amount of times a goalie utilizes a chance to convert (“save”, in hockey terms) a non-believer to Christianity

ex: “Tim Thomas has the highest save percentage out of all the goalies in the NHL. You don’t know how many non-believers he has led to salvation!”

Above: an example of attempted salvation gone wrong

PDO: When PDA gets ugly

ex: “When Jeff Carter and Mike Richards were traded away from each other, their PDO skyrocketed.”

Above: [Drake's Jungle plays softly in the background]

Phew! That sure was a lot of terms. We’ve laid down a foundation for you, but keep in mind that there’s always something new to learn. There are a myriad of other terms out there that are more complex, and cover ideas that may not be necessary to the normal hockey fan. Use your best judgment, and trust people who use plus/minus extensively! Thank you for reading this article, and we hope we helped you!